Safe Distance
by Wannon
Summary: *Yaoi/shounen-ai* (Ken/Iori) Iori realises his hatred for Ken isn't really hatred at all...


This is just something I wrote on a whim.

Hope you enjoy it anyway…

~ Wannon-chan ~

****

Safe Distance.

Iori launched into another attack, one which his grandfather nimbly avoided.

"Iori, stop for a second…" the old man commanded, and the small boy obeyed, taking off his mask and wiping his sweaty face with a damp cloth, enjoying the feel of the cool material against his flushed skin.

"Why did we stop, grandfather?" he asked. The old man frowned thoughtfully.

"You are not concentrating, Iori. What is the problem?" he asked, leading his grandson over to sit down. Iori sighed.

"Nothing, grandfather…I guess I'm just not sleeping well…" he said.

__

Well, it's not really a lie…I truly haven't been sleeping well. But it's not the whole truth…he thought, noting the gleam in his grandfather's eyes with annoyance.

__

Oh great…here it comes.

"I know a simple solution for that!"

__

Wait for it…

"PRUNE JUICE!" his grandfather cried, bringing out a packet and sucking on it gleefully. Iori sighed again. He loved his grandfather dearly, but his obsession with prune juice was disturbing. He forced a smile onto his face and bowed.

"You're right, grandfather. I should go drink some prune juice. Thank you…" he said, and rushed from the room, not seeing the old man's eyes fill with concern as he watched the boy leave.

~ * ~

Ken Ichijouji stared up at the ceiling, stretched out on his bed. Thoughts buzzed lazily through his mind, and Wormmon's soft snores floated to his ears. Jade-coloured eyes made their appearance in his mind, and a bittersweet smile graced his perfect face.

__

The only one who truly trusts me is Daisuke. The others all pretend to trust me…they're really expecting me to turn on them the first chance that I get. But what really hurts is the way Iori looks at me…the way he talks about me. Can't he see that I've changed? That I'm not a bad person? That every time he turns those hate-filled eyes to meet my own, a part of me dies? He thought.

Iori was the coldest towards him, and made it known just how much he disapproved of working with him.

__

"I don't know…I trust him, guys…"

"Why are you being so stupid, Daisuke?! He's evil! Evil doesn't change…"

The memory of that overheard conversation made Ken flinch and clutch his pillow to his chest. When he lost Wormmon, he'd felt bitter and alone, inwardly damning himself for the horrible things he had done. And then when he and his partner had been reunited, Ken had begun to learn…to understand about himself and how humans worked. He grew.

Iori…Iori represented what Ken wished he had been, what he wished he _was_. It was for that reason that Ken felt drawn to him, lusted after him.

And it frightened him.

He was ashamed that of all people, he should fall in lust with someone not only of the same sex, but someone _younger_ than he. But despite this, Ken was willing to give in to his heart.

Wormmon woke up and stared at his partner…his _partner_. It felt strange to think of he and Ken working together…calling him Ken instead of 'Master', as he was accustomed to doing.

"Ken…what's on your mind?" he asked quietly. Amethyst eyes met Wormmon's own bright blue.

"What makes you think there's something troubling me?" came the reply. Ken was acting guarded out of habit, not by choice. He sighed, shaking his head.

"Sorry, Wormmon. I'm just…thinking…" he said eventually.

"About what?" his caterpillar-looking Digimon queried. Ken smiled softly.

"Iori…and the other Digidestined. Why don't they realize that I won't hurt them?" Ken asked softly. Wormmon made the equivalent to a shrug.

"I'm not sure, Ken. But people are strange things…we should all be friends…" he said. Ken sighed again.

"It's more complex than that, my friend. When they look at me, they see the Digimon Emperor…they don't see _me_. I've tried to convince them of my kindness, my readiness to help out in any way I can, but they merely plaster on fake smiles, and pretend to need me…they even _use_ me to do their dirty work…" he said. Wormmon sighed.

"That's terrible, Ken. But, if you gain Iori's trust…the others will probably follow suit." He said. Ken snorted.

"Not to sound rude, my friend…but gaining Iori's trust is a big task…that boy despises me…" he said with a sigh, a mental image of the softly-spoken boy appearing to mock him. With another deep sigh, Ken closed his eyes, and used sleep to ward off the many thoughts and jumbled emotions that were cluttering his mind and heart.

~ * ~

It had been Miyako's idea to have another picnic in the Digiworld…everyone knew that she loved those kind of things…and used any occasion she could find to have one. This time, the occasion was that Daisuke had passed a math test, which in itself seemed a pretty good reason to celebrate. But Iori had a bad feeling about the whole thing…

Because Ken was also attending. He made Iori so uncomfortable, he reacted automatically with hate and distrust. It's true, he _didn't _trust him, but that wasn't the whole problem. Iori had seen the way Ken looked at him…and it scared him. It made him nervous. Those hungry, and longing amethyst eyes were always on him, following him, observing him…

Those eyes awakened something deep inside Iori that he didn't want to have to deal with. Lust. He lusted after Ken terribly. And it puzzled him to no end. Why…why, of all people…why did he have to like _Ken_? Their former enemy…someone Iori was, to tell the truth, a little frightened of. And he was older, too, to make matters worse.

So Iori made a decision to keep a safe distance from the ex-Digimon Emperor. The definition of 'a safe distance'? 

Simple: Far enough away to ignore Ken, without being blatantly obvious he was doing so.

But it wasn't really what Iori wanted…he wanted Ken to be beside him, to look into his eyes, smile softly, caress his cheek, whisper endearments. Of course, he would never admit this to himself. Not him. Iori preferred to just keep away from the new feelings, to squelch them deep inside and pretend that he felt nothing. It wouldn't do to let himself be open. He would disappoint his grandfather, if he admitted his attraction to someone of the same sex as he.

__

I don't ever want my grandfather to be disappointed in me…I respect him so much. If he lost his respect in me, I don't know what I'd do…he thought, snagging some sushi before Daisuke's hands could. He smiled sweetly at the new leader of the Digidestined, who frowned, and simply grabbed a rice cake, shoving the entire thing into his mouth with gusto, his eyes still fixed on Iori's. Iori couldn't help but giggle, and felt Ken's eyes on him. He cringed at the warm fuzzy feeling he got, and tried to ignore the piercing gaze.

"Isn't this great?!" Miyako exclaimed, her arm around Hikari, who nodded. Daisuke tried to say something, but only succeeded in spraying Iori with rice. The youngest Digidestined grimaced.

"Gross, Daisuke…didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk with food in your mouth?" he asked, feeling a saliva-coated grain of rice sliding down the bridge of his nose. He grimaced again.

"Here…" a familiar, sultry voice said softly, and Iori felt someone wiping his face clean with a napkin. He looked over to see that it was Ken, and felt the flames of desire flare up again. He stomped on them, and fixed Ken with a glare.

"I could have done that myself, Ichijouji…" he snapped, his glare boring holes into the other boy's beautiful eyes. He saw Ken's face fall, and his eyes fill with hurt, causing Iori to feel guilty, and lower his gaze. Then the boy with the jade-coloured eyes did something unexpected.

"I-I'm sorry…that was uncalled for…" he said, his voice quavering. He got up and slowly walked away from where everyone was seated. They all watched him go, their eyes slowly lighting up with concern. Ken's eyes were confused, concerned, and…hopeful. That Iori had taken a step to apologize for his harsh words was enough to make Ken's confidence increase. He looked around at all the Digidestined, who were glancing at each other, obviously trying to sort out who would follow their youngest member. Ken cleared his throat.

"Umm…I'll go. I made him angry, and I want to apologize to him." He said. Daisuke looked at him, his brow creased with worry.

"I dunno, Ken…Iori uh…he, uhhh-" he tried to say. Ken interrupted swiftly.

"He doesn't like me, I know…but things can't get any better if I don't try…" he said. Miyako screwed up her face.

"Ken…sometimes things are just best left alone, you know? But go ahead, I can't exactly stop you. Just be careful…Iori can be, uh…quite volatile sometimes." She said, her eyes showing that she was truly interested in his well-being.

__

Well…Ken thought, _She did always have a crush on me…I guess she's finally loosened up a little…_

"Thankyou, Miyako. But I want to try…I need him to know that I'm not a bad person…" he said, getting to his feet, and looking in the direction Iori went. 

"Good luck…" Miyako said with a sigh. Ken nodded, and began to follow.

~ * ~

Iori sat in a small clearing, leaning back against a sun-warmed rock. His eyes closed, and he sighed. 

__

I'm so confused…I don't want to hurt Ken, but…but I don't want him to get too close to me, either…he thought. But it wasn't as easy to do as it seemed. Iori either wound up hurting Ken, or giving him false hope.

__

We can never be together, much as I hate to admit it…it's just…

"Iori?" the smooth, soft voice said. The jade-green eyes snapped open and looked, quite skittishly, at the speaker.

"Ken?!" he gasped, scrambling to his feet. The amethyst-eyed one reached out to the shorter boy, eyes pleading. Iori backed away slowly, but his eyes never left the other's, jade meeting with amethyst, two precious stones locked in a battle of wills.

"Please…I want to talk to you, Iori…" Ken wheedled. The other boy looked frightened, and Ken's features hardened.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Iori…I'd never hurt you. I'm not the Digimon Emperor anymore, can't you see? I'm just regular Ken Ichijouji now, a Digidestined, bearer of the Crest of Kindness…a friend, partner, combat buddy. We're in this together, Iori, whether you like it or not. You and the others need me. I'm as much a part of the team as you, or Daisuke…and I expect you to show me as much respect and consideration as you show them." He said, completely honestly. Iori stopped backing away, and Ken approached him.

"Ken, I…" he said slowly, but trailed off, unable to think of a thing to say. Ken sighed.

"Do you have any idea what it's like, Iori? To be part of something…yet feel so left out of it? Rejected? Like you're not welcome, not good enough to be a part of it?" the other boy asked, as he reached Iori's side. He locked eyes with him once more, his face showing just how much emotional trauma he had suffered.

"N-no…" Iori stammered. He had no idea what it was like to be excluded. Ken's eyes began to water a little, and he sighed again.

"Well, I do. I've had no support from anyone but your leader. You, mainly, have ridiculed me and put me down, voiced your distrust of me after all I have done to help you…what's it going to take, Iori? What do I have to do to gain your trust?! If you think I'm going to turn on you, you're wrong…if I was going to, I would have done it a long time ago…I would have just abducted your leader, seeing as he trusts me so implicitly. Wake up, Iori. I'm. Not. A. Bad. Pers-ummf!" Ken was interrupted by the feel of Iori's lips on his. Caught completely by surprise, it took Ken a little while to respond, but soon enough he was kissing Iori back.

Then, just as soon as it had begun, the kiss ended, and Iori glared up at Ken.

"There! You stupid jerk! That's why I've been treating you the way I have! I don't want my grandfather to hate me because of what I am! I want him to be proud of me!" he snapped, bursting into tears. 

"Look what you made me do…I've disgraced my family…I'm so sorry, grandfather…I'm so sorry…"

Ken was shocked. He never would have expected such an outburst from the usually docile young boy before him. He shook his head in confusion.

"But, Iori…it's who you are! You mean to tell me you're going to live your life, pretending to be something you're not, just to please your grandfather? And how do you know that your grandfather won't be accepting of it? If he loves you, it shouldn't matter who warms your bed…" he said, moving to comfort the boy. Iori turned teary jade eyes to look at Ken, before laughing.

"That's what I'd like to think, Ken…but it's not always true…just…just leave me alone…" he said, hiccuping at the end. Ken shook his head again, this time in defiance.

"No. Iori, I'm frightened. I never thought I'd admit it to you, but I am. I'm scared of my feelings for you, and I'm scared for you, too. But that only makes me more determined to be with you, to get past the irrational fear of the unknown…"

"I can't do that, Ken. I can't. Leave me alone, please…if you push me, I'll jump…" Iori whispered, shaking visibly. Ken felt nauseous. _He_ did this to Iori…

__

What have I done?! He thought angrily. 

"I-I'm sorry, Iori…please, forgive me…" he replied, and turned to leave. A hand grabbed his arm.

"I can't. But I can forget." Iori whispered, and their eyes met once more, before the smaller boy walked away.

Ken sank to the ground and let himself weep, while the picnic continued on, everyone completely oblivious to the boy in the clearing, heartbroken and alone.

The End.

Just goes to show ya…not everything goes the way you want it to…

Poor Ken! ::sniffle::

~ Wannon-chan, May 19, 2001 ~


End file.
